I don’t know what to do anymore...

I know I’ve slowed down (like WAY down) with posts and honestly I don’t know what to post anymore.

I don’t know what I can share anymore.
I don’t know what people want me to share.

For whatever reason, despite me saying that it’s not an intention, people are being hurt and taking offense to what I’m sharing and how I’m feeling....
But...I don’t know what else to share or say.
What I’m sharing is raw...it’s real...it’s what I’m really going through and truthfully how I’m feeling...
If I can’t be honest about what I’m going through then what’s the point in posting?

I started blogging to help other women who are going through the same thing or something similar & in order to do so I need to be honest.
I don't want to sugar coat things or make things seem as something that it's not because that's not portraying how infertility really is.

Infertility is a roller coaster. It's doing great one day and doing the complete opposite another day.
I'm sorry if I'm upsetting people or offending them by sharing the truth and harsh reality of infertility & pregnancy loss, but I'm not going to stop.
I'm helping women. I'm helping myself by not holding emotions inside of me & bottling them up. It's  not my intention to upset, hurt or offend anyone, but if its doing that to you then please just don't even look at my blog.

I care more about helping others than keeping quiet to please a few people.
I care more about myself, to do something that helps me through this, than to please people that have no idea what it's like to go through this.


The past few weeks I have actually been doing pretty good. Not really expecting much but at the same time I've been thrilled about my appointment with the specialist. I've really been looking forward to this upcoming appointment.
Monday I went to get routine (or routine for me) labwork done to check my progesterone, so it was nothing new.
What I got back was a shocker. I'm still speechless about it. Not in a good way either.
Just to plainly put it, without putting too much information out there before knowing all the details, my results were pretty horrible.

My progesterone needed to be at 10 at least & it was at 21, so that was great. However, they ended up needing to run something else & it came back with pretty bad results.
I now have an appointment to see my doctor on Wednesday to get more labs run and to talk to him about the results that I was given.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some answers from him as to why they could be what they are or what could have caused these results, but it honestly could be a number of things.
It's something that I never thought I would have to deal with at this age, but something that I may also be faced with now.

So until then we wait some more.
But I'm ok with waiting now. I understand that it's part of the process.
I heard someone say something the other day and it just stuck with me. He said "There is always a delay between planting and harvesting. There's always a delay between sowing and reaping. Patience is part of the process."

I'm learning to be patient again. To enjoy the process, no matter how difficult it is at times. To not take what I already do have for granted.

I just wanted to end by saying Thank you to everyone who reads my blogs, supports them and supports me. It means way more than you know, to know that people are seeing my story and it's helping women.