The truth about Secondary Infertility

I wanted to make a post about this because I’ve had a number of people tell me that they had no idea that secondary infertility even existed.

Infertility is completely possible any time, even after having a child.

When you deal with infertility after previously having a child it is called Secondary Infertility. It literally means that you are unable to get pregnant or carry a baby to term after already delivering a child.

Most people have no idea that secondary infertility even exists. So many assume that if you struggled with infertility, got pregnant and had a baby that the infertility is automatically “cured.” Sometimes that is the case, but not all the time. Some couples can get pregnant easier if they have already delivered a term baby after dealing with infertility.

Unfortunately, many couples that deal with secondary infertility often receive less support from others as opposed to couples who deal with primary infertility. They still need support, the pain is still there, the emotions are the same. Already having a child doesn’t make it easier to cope with, it doesn’t take away any pain.

For me, struggling with infertility both before having our son and after, dealing with secondary infertility may even be harder than the first go around for a number of reasons. It's so hard because I sit here knowing that my body overcame this and delivered a baby once already and I don’t understand why I can’t do it again. I don’t understand why my body isn’t sustaining pregnancies right now.

I am SO grateful for my son and I will always be grateful for him; he is literally a miracle. He shouldn’t have been here, but he is and I am eternally thankful to have him.

BUT… anyone who knows me knows that I come from a big family. I loved it! I loved how close my sisters and I were when we were younger, and even now! Being a mom has been my heart’s desire for as long as I can remember and Zion made that come true. However, I just want to be able to give him what I enjoyed SO much, especially when it comes to siblings. I want to hear children running around our home, hear the shouting, the bickering over toys (I’m sure I will regret saying that).

Like I said, the need for support is still present. I’m not saying that we don’t have support because we have an amazing group of people who support us, but for others who may not have it. It’s OK to need support still. I understand that it feels like others will think that you are ungrateful, and I know that you aren’t! I know that you feel like you are out of place with infertility support groups because you were blessed with a child, but that shouldn’t keep you isolated from seeking support when you need it. 

Don’t isolate yourself because you already have a miracle beside you! Reach out to those who “get it” or seek support by finding a support group, but don’t ever feel like you don’t deserve support! You don’t have anything to feel guilty about when it comes to desiring another child.

For those who know someone that is dealing with secondary infertility, please do what you can to make sure they know that you support them. The emotions with infertility are still the same, they are still dealing with it, they just happen to have a child beside them. 

Secondary infertility is a diagnosis that can cause couples to isolate themselves, but it shouldn’t be that way. Don’t feel guilty, don’t isolate. Surround yourself with others who will understand. You don’t have to go through this alone!